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I’m Not Old Enough: Graduation

Written by

Karen Rinehart

in

Three years after Imposter Mom made her debut at my son's high school orientation, she returned for my daughter's introductory evening to her next four years of life. One brief year later, as if she doesn't have enough laundry, sewing, ironing or doggie poop scooping to keep her busy, she showed up at high school graduation. For my son. It had to be Imposter Mom, because I'm not old enough to have a child graduating from high school.

Besides, I'm too busy to deal with this graduation thing. I'm embroiled, along with Lisa at Dr. Harrison's office, on a pediatric medical records search so dangerous and epic; it would make Indiana Jones weep in his whip. Medical records required to attend University orientation next month. But if I'm not old enough to have a son graduating from high school, then I'm certainly not old enough to have one attending college.

Then there's this slew of out-of-town company — relatives and friends — who for some reason all decided to visit at the same time. And, just as school was letting out! With three week's notice I've taken on three years worth of home decorating and cleaning projects. Three generations of Dust Bunnies had to be evicted from my bedroom alone. And draperies. I had to sew draperies for my office window, as it would be doubling as a guest room for Auntie Alice, who's never been to our house and therefore everything must be beyond perfect prior to her arrival. Sure, I can sit in my office and not care who sees in, but Auntie Alice might not appreciate unwittingly being the star of some PG-13 show when the bachelor next door pulls into his driveway. Wait, did I just say "draperies"? And MY aunt is flying to stay at MY house? I am not old enough for that.

Well the day of this supposed high school graduation arrived and you know what Impostor Mom did? She donned a respectable dress — not a cute, trendy strapless number all the young ladies are wearing these days. Well, she would have, but her daughter snagged the strapless, white eyelet Shelli Segal she bought for the occasion, cut off the tags and wore it herself. Then, she, (Impostor Mom, not the daughter) put a hankie in her respectable clutch purse. That's right. A hankie. Embroidered by her grandmother over 50 years ago. I am not old enough to own, let alone know how to use an embroidered hankie.

So not only does Impostor Mom take the hankie out of her clutch during the initial playing of "Pomp and Circumstance," she uses it! And why would she use it? Because she got all weepy! I am not old enough to get all weepy at the sound of "Pomp and Circumstance." Worse; while dabbing eyes with said hankie, Impostor Mom stood at the rope in the back of the arena and yelled hello to all of her son's friends. How embarrassing. No matter how joyful the moment; I would never do that. I am not old enough for that.

Impostor Mom occasionally shows up on www.karenrinehart.net.

Comments

  1. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    LOL!!  I really enjoyed this article, and can totally identify with it.  Not only are my sons in their 20's, one of them is graduating from UNIVERSITY this year,  and the other has completed a course in video game design.  It seems just like yesterday that they were going off to kindergarten on the bus for the first time!  I don't have a hankie yet, but will definitely buy one for Tim's graduation.  Alas, all my aunts have gone home to God, but maybe I can convince my stepmom-in-law to embroider a hankie — her name, as it turns out, is Alice!  And like you, Karen, I definitely don't feel old enough to have grown children, or to have turned 60 a few months ago — in my head, I'm still a teenager myself!  Thanks again for this enjoyable read.  Smile

  2. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    You think that's bad?  Wait till your oldest is the same age you were when that child graduated from high school!

    You think that's bad?  Wait till your YOUNGEST is the same age you were when that child graduated from high school!!!

    Now THAT's old!!!!

    Laughing

  3. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Perhaps you would like to read this and share with your daughter!   

    We copy from The Marylike Standards of Modesty in Dress with an imprimatur dated September 24, 1956: 

      “A dress cannot be called decent which is cut deeper than two fingers breath under the pit of the throat; which does not cover the arms at least to the elbows; and scarcely reaches a bit beyond the knees.  Furthermore, dresses of transparent materials are improper.” 

      The Cardinal Vicar of Pius XII 

       

    1. Marylike is modest without compromise, “like Mary,” Christ’s Mother. 
    2. Marylike dresses have sleeves extending at least to the elbows; and skirts reaching well below the knees. (Note: because of impossible market conditions quarter-length sleeves are temporarily tolerated with Ecclesiastical Approval, until Christian womanhood again turns to Mary as the model of modest in dress). 
    3. Marylike dresses require full coverage for the bodice, chest, shoulders, and back; except for a cut-out about the neck not exceeding two fingers below the neckline in front and in back, and a corresponding two fingers on the shoulders. 
    4. Marylike dresses do not admit as modest coverage transparent fabrics – laces, nets, organdy, nylons, etc. – unless sufficient backing is added.  However, their moderate use as trimmings is acceptable. 
    5. Marylike dresses avoid the improper use of flesh-colored fabrics. 
    6. Marylike dresses conceal rather than reveal the figure of the wearer; they do not emphasize, unduly, parts of the body. 
    7. Marylike dresses provide full coverage, even after jacket, cape or stole are removed. 

    “Marylike” fashions are designed to conceal as much of the body as possible, rather than reveal.  This would automatically eliminate such fashions as tight slacks, jeans, sweaters, shorts: shorts which do not reach well below the knees; sheer blouses and sleeveless dresses; etc.  The Marylike standards are guide to instill a “sense of modesty.”  A girl who follows these, and looks up to Mary as her ideal and model, will have no problem of modesty in dress.  She will not be an occasion of sin or source of embarrassment or shame to others.”  The pamphlet urges prayer to be pure in mind and body. 

    There are three purposes for clothing: 

    1. for modesty, 
    2. to shield the body from the elements (heat and cold), and 
    3. to adorn the body. 

    As society deteriorates, so do all the above purposes for clothing deteriorate.  Modesty is lost to the extreme.  Gang-like clothing may leave persons exposed to the elements.  Finally, dressing up is lost.  Formerly everyone had a Sunday suit, shirt and tie.  We must make an observation in regard to men without a shirt.  If it does not offend modesty (and this is disputed) then it offends in being unadorned by clothing.  Certainly, it is not fully acceptable, and custom should be so that it is not acceptable. 

    What about the type of material?  Custom has it that denim blue is for working men’s clothing.  Farmers, railroad workers, ditch diggers and the like use it with rightful practicality.  It is not wedding garment material for men or women.  When circumstances permit it, such types of material should not appear at divine services, for we must be on our best-dressed behavior when worshiping God.  A person on the way to rough work and returning from it can be excused.  Catholics should be leading the way in morality and elegance.  We must elevate our rotten society and not live in it without influencing it for the better. 

     
       Pius, pp. XIII 
       Sept. 3, 1999 

  4. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Um, isn't Shelli Segal very expensive?  I didn't enjoy this article much, the pretense is too played out – it's too steps too removed from everything, and seems to be all about the author's – not youth – but immaturity

     

    sorry

  5. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Dear Chloe's Mom–

    I loved hearing from you!  Lemme know if you need that hankie and I'll send one to you.

    love, Karen

  6. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Thanks, but my daughter doesn't need to read that. She already, by God-given grace and dare I say because of the way her parents raised her–dresses modestly. And not just modestly, but appropriate for the day, time, occasion and climate, w/o becoming overly absorbed in "the law" like the Pharisees, et al. in Jesus' time.

  7. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Dear "deirdrew"-Thanks for reading and taking the time to write.  Please read the extensive archives of my past columns…you will see I write humor/satire….all in a friendly family genre, otherwise this site would not have me.  And b/c my columns (which run nationally and internationally in print and online, not to mention grace refrigerator doors across the country) are understandedly of the humorous nature, I rarely need to explain, let alone defend the silliness.  But alas, here I go:

    Yes, Shelli Segal is typically expensive.   But I found that dress at Marshall's for a song. And recently bought a Shelli Segal skirt on ebay for next to nothing. But the best part?  What does ANY of that have to do with my obligation to raise my daughter to love the Lord and His Church Let alone have you judge my maturity level ?

    Btw, if you're ever in town, I'll take you to our local Salvation Army. Wednesday is 1/2 off all clothes day and we always find some great stuff.

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