How Not to Be A Catholic Martha Stewart with St. Therese Sacrifice Beads (and still keep the beads)

Do you have a personal relationship with certain household cleaners? Do you more readily discuss how you feel about Mr. Clean than your personal relationship with the Lord?

Not to worry, this is not a cleanliness is next to godliness essay. Although there is something to that, I’d rather write about the theological significance of scattered dried garbonzo beans, nesting measuring spoons, and muffin tins on the kitchen floor.

When I was a growing up, I remember the media proclaiming on a regular basis how depressed housewives are. Something about their brains going to waste and needing valium and anti-depressants to face the kids and dirty house. No wonder, my generation clung to the mirage that we’d never mop another floor after we got out of nursing school or graduate school or whatever school.

And now comes Martha Stewart, that perfectionistic former housewife, who has come out with a 700-plus page “essential guide to caring for everything in your home.” They might as well start selling valium and anti-depressants with the book.

This book is really for the woman who already has a maid to do the heavy work so she is “freed up” to follow Martha’s lists of chores. The women who buy this book typically don’t go down on their hands and knees to clean or push anything more strenuous than one of those sissy Swiffers around.

I guess women have been told in past 30 years that physical labor is not good and working exclusively with your head is the only way to go.

So Martha uses her world-class mind to come up with all kinds of rational, scientific, sleekly engineered solutions to everything. I don’t read about that much elbow grease or hard physical labor. I guess we are supposed to take the same approach at home that we took with our former careers. But bodies that are divorced from the head and the heart just don’t work as efficiently, no matter whose housekeeping manual you pour over.

When I flip through her book, another question in my mind is does she take into account the babe on the hip or the cute little dustmop in a corduroy jumper on the kitchen floor? Because I think it is important to still give the bigger-little ones some dried garbonzo beans, a muffin tin, and nestling measuring spoons to play with on the kitchen floor even if it makes a holy mess.

I guess the better question is how can we adjust our housekeeping so that our families truly come first?

Hit the housekeeping highlights as my mother used to say so you can spend a lot of time in the kitchen with your children and your honey. When you are really mad about something, then engage in therapeutic housework and beat all-you-know-what out of the rugs and attack your hardwood floors if you still have energy. But be sure to put your St. Therese sacrifice beads back on when you are through. Maybe plan to find that St. Martha novena for housewives and pray it after all.

And always keep an apron handy so that when anyone drops by, they have the impression that you’ve cleaned up already but the kids messed it all up again or you are about to clean it all up but you are so exquisitely gracious and relaxed that you can receive them into your home anyway.

You won't find that in Martha's book.