Helping Children be Grateful

I was so excited when my first child learned to say "Thank you!" David was about a year and a half then. In fact, I can recall sharing that news with one of the nurses when I was in labor for Isaac. "My son just learned to say 'Thank you!'" Who knew that five years later I would still be prompting him and his brother to utter those words on many occasions? At the times when either one of them does remember to say some words of thanks when they receive something, I still feel happy, especially if those words are being said to me! "Thanks, Mom" is something you can never hear too often.

I don't know that children are hard-wired to be grateful. They come into the world with a set of needs and (hopefully) those needs are met. They cry and we feed them or change them or hold them, whatever the case might be. We make sure that they are washed and clothed and have some toys to play with, all without one word of thanks. They stop crying or they smile and that is all the appreciation you need at that stage of the journey. If parents are doing their job, children expect that their needs will be met. This builds trust and is the way it should be.

Then these same children start talking and most parents make an effort to teach their children to be polite, to say their "pleases" and "thank yous." Learning and using the words is one thing. Actually cultivating a spirit of gratitude is another.

I can't claim to have been an exceedingly grateful child. Oh, I was polite enough, although I am sure that my parents must have done their share of "prompting" as well. I also knew that there were those in this world who had much less than I did. My family and I contributed to food drives and toy drives.

As far as those I could see in my school and community, however, it seemed that most people had much more. I would look longingly at the clothes and toys and wish that I could have the same. When I would complain, my parents would rightfully tell me to be thankful for food and a warm house and all the things that I did have. I have used that same line on my own children.

I am trying to instill in my children a spirit of gratitude, to help them understand that much of what they receive in life are gifts freely given for which they should not only express, but actually feel, thanksgiving. I try to help them understand that all good things ultimately come from God and that we need to thank God on a regular basis. Every night I ask them to say "thank you" to God for something that happened that day.

I try to instill in them a generous spirit as well, to help them know that there are many who are not as fortunate as we are and that we are obligated to help them. As a family, we donate to our parish food bank on a weekly basis and to the Church and other charitable organizations. They are required to put a small portion of their allowance in a separate piggy bank for charity. This will, hopefully, establish a habit of giving.

Part of gratitude is being satisfied with what you have. I know that is an uphill battle. Especially for children, the world is full of new items just begging to be owned. Every toy and game looks so exciting. If I am being honest, I will admit that it is still a struggle for me. While I may not pine over the latest action figure, there are certainly items I would like to have. I sometimes need to be reminded to be grateful for what I have, although I am the one generally doing the reminding.

I know that teaching my children to be grateful is a lifelong process. My prayer is that the lessons I teach to them will take root and bear fruit and that they will learn from my example, flawed though it may be at times. I also realize that true appreciation for what they have might not come until they are adults and on their own and forced to pay all the bills. I know that I have gained a considerably greater thankfulness for what my parents provided me in the days since I got married and had children of my own. Life is a wonderful teacher! In the meantime, I will continue to be thankful for all the "thank yous" that come unprompted from my children and take them as a sign that gratefulness is indeed becoming part of their being.