Fireplace Dilemma

I don't buy that wood burning fires are significantly contributing to pollution. Despite a fireplace in almost every home, there just aren't that many fires. In fact, I have done my own highly-controlled, scientific experiments to test my hypothesis: When I take my dog for a walk, I look around the neighborhood.

Hardly ever is anyone burning a fire. In fact, I just came in from a walk and no one was burning a fire. Once and awhile, I do see smoke coming from a chimney. Usually, it's right at the beginning of the winter and around the holidays. That's it. Most folks are working and too busy to mess with a wood burning fire.

In the past, when I burned a fire, my chimney gave off no smoke. This is because I used my gas along with the logs. The fire burned real slowly and took up hardly any logs even if I had it going all day. When I walked outside and checked my chimney there was no smoke. Zip. Nada.

So why did I feel guilty every time I lit up?

I blame the media. I read the stories about our local air quality problems and the Letters to the Editor by asthma sufferers and I wondered, "Gosh, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm causing some poor person in my neighborhood to suffer?"

But I still really wanted my fire and I indulged. I took solace in the fact that the county I lived in had only "recommended" no burn days. But the party was over when my county joined in with wood burning restrictions. Thinking about the fact that my chimney didn't give off smoke, I considered that I could still get away with burning wood. I didn't think the sheriff would come knocking at my door.

But my woodpile was almost gone.

I thought about ordering a cord of wood. I pictured it being dumped on my driveway and the whole neighborhood seeing what I intended to do in the privacy of my own home. The shame of it.

Then I thought about carrying logs into the house. It would involve going out into the cold, shaking out the critters, keeping them dry, and cleaning the ashes. My kids used to help out with all that, but they are grown up now and no help at all.

So while driving past a shopping center one day I stopped at a store that sold gas log sets. They had a whole wall of fireplaces filled with faux fire logs or "decorative gas log sets." Years ago, I had tried a set of fake logs. They were dreadful: ugly as heck and they didn't give off any heat. But now the craftsmanship has improved greatly.

The log sets on display were gorgeous and incredibly natural looking. They even come with fake ashes that glow like real embers. For less than $300, I was able to buy a set and have it installed. If I had popped for another hundred bucks or so, I could have had the fire controlled with a remote device. But the last thing I wanted was another remote control in my living room. My new fireplace lights by turning on the gas and using a lighter.

Now I enjoy a roaring or cozy fire almost every cold winter day. It is so comforting. And so clean. And so warm.

There are some tradeoffs. There is no crackling sound, and it heats so well that I often have to "turn it down." Sometimes at the start of the fire, there's a faint gas smell and it's bluish. But those problems go away after a few minutes.

I marvel that free enterprise comes up with a solution whenever there's a problem (real or perceived). Environmentalists complain about wood burning and we get fireplaces that are easier to maintain or they complain about flood irrigation and someone invents drip irrigation.

So everybody can be happy. At least until they decide to find something wrong with burning gas.