Bad Gift Suggestions

Nothing good could come of this if my husband were allowed to read, "A Few Hints for a Special Woman on Your Gift List".  Who were these two female co-authors and what do they have against the rest of us women?

"We've been combing the stores for weeks selecting gifts we'd want to receive. Guys, listen up, take our suggestions to heart and move beyond flowers, chocolates, perfume and lingerie.  Been there done that."

So?  That's the beauty of flowers and chocolates — you can't get enough.  I just finished my two favorite perfumes (cha ching) and if by lingerie, you mean the flannel nightgown I wore while pregnant with my 17 year old son, then I think I just might have room in my dresser drawer for one more little thing.

"Wallet: Coach's Hamptons signature wallets come in handsome colors with zippered change purse and lots of compartments, yet are so small they'll fit into almost any size handbag: $98." I'd rather have the cash and carry it in a used sandwich baggie.

"Scarves: No woman can have too many scarves."  Oh yes. Yes she can.

"Fur: Add a soupcon of luxury to her outerwear wardrobe with a rabbit fur hat."  A soup what? No no no ladies. First you get the full length sheared chevron mink, then pick the hat to match.

"Book Thongs:  Those cute little bookmarks crafted from strings with pretty weighted beads attached at either end ($5.95). Combine them with Look Thongs ($14.95) — beaded eye glass holders — and you have a great gift for Mom!" 

Just exactly to whose mom are they referring?  And a bookmark??  Oh, you mean for all those books I'll read over the holidays in between cooking the standing rib roast, cleaning the house, wrapping the presents, entertaining the in-laws and the kids who were so happy to get out of school but not out of this house for the 6^th day in a row?

"Pen:  Nothing says ‘I Care About Fashion' more than when you pay attention to the little things, like writing utensils. We love a classy red or black Waterman pen, at Dillards for $50."  Right, and that $50 pen is going to get lost in the dark caverns of one of my kid's backpacks, eaten by the dog or run through the wash just as quickly and easily as the Bic I brought home from the Hampton Inn.

"Tweezerman Tweezers"  Golly, don't stop there! Throw in a nail file, toothbrush, heating pad and bar of soap.  Very flattering indeed.  Oh wait, I spoke too soon.  The ladies' next suggestion was, "Hair Accessories:  Here's a gift suggestion with multiple uses. Find a pretty cosmetic bag and fill it with all kinds of decorative barrettes, crystal scrunchies and tortoise shell clips until you hit $50."  Trust me, if my husband bought me hair scrunchies for Christmas, crystal or not, $50 is not what I'd be hitting.