One of the titles ascribed to our Blessed Mother is Mulier Fortis, or Woman of Valor. As well as being meek, humble and mild, Mary is a warrior in the army of God; as wives and mothers we're called upon to emulate her — we, too, are soldiers for Christ.
To a woman in the midst of marriage preparation, the above paragraph may seem less than romantic, a call to trade in your pumps for combat boots. While that's hardly necessary, nonetheless you shouldn't forget the oath you took on your Confirmation day. When you made a commitment to defend your Faith and to mature in Christ; you became, in fact, a soldier in service to the King.
Unfortunately, I, like many others, neglected that oath and spent my early adulthood AWOL.
The first time I actually showed up for duty was when Stan and I registered for NFP classes; it was the first conscious decision I made solely for the practice of my faith in my adult life. Although wary, I'd concluded that it would be hypocritical to walk down the aisle of a Catholic church without having at least considered traditional Christian teachings on marital sexuality.
While I was fully committed to Stan, my parents' bitter divorce contributed to somewhat cynical expectations for marriage. I perceived that the NFP lifestyle demanded more trust than I felt I could give — trust in Stan, in my own ability to interpret my signs and make thoughtful decisions every month, and ultimately in God. By the end of the course, I was persuaded that the sympto-thermal method was scientifically sound. I began to view the practice of NFP as liberation from an unnecessary drug treatment rather than a confinement to archaic rules. I didn't yet realize the wonderful impact being open to life was to have on my marriage, but Grace was penetrating my stubborn soul.
After affirming my commitment to Christian service through the sacrament of marriage, I enjoyed a brief respite before heading into the fray. I knew battles lay ahead in my life: I would be discouraged or afraid, I would worry about home and security, I would watch loved ones suffer and die. I thought I was prepared, but I wasn't. I had no idea how spiritually flabby I was, and what it would take to get me into shape.
Boot camp turned out to be six weeks of staggering challenges. My drill sergeant was bald, round-bellied, red-faced and ferocious. He demanded slavish attention any time of the day or night. My movements were restricted as well as my diet. He was utterly unreasonable in his anger, and offered no expression of consolation or appreciation. Yet, I loved that little tyrant passionately.
A person already accustomed to unselfish living might find the first six weeks of breastfeeding a newborn difficult, but not shattering. I was blown away. I had to give and give and give — this was not the 50-50 sort of relationship I was used to enjoying.
Nursing my baby was so intimate and all-consuming that a part of me wanted an escape route. What Stan and I had undertaken was a commitment to one another and to our child that felt utterly foreign to me. I had to trust God's plan for my body and my future. I had to trust my husband to provide for us and to be devoted to me 50 years from now so that my investment of love and time wouldn't become my undoing as a middle-aged woman. I had to throw myself into this enterprise of marriage and parenthood 100%.
I am weak and foolish, but God is a faithful and patient teacher whose difficult lessons are accompanied by the countless consolations of Christian marriage and motherhood. He is teaching me to persevere despite exhaustion or pain, and to find joy in the face of adversity. I am learning that I can suffer and yet be happy, and that I can sacrifice without bitterness. I am becoming more gentle and tougher at the same time. I am learning to trust my Lord, and to follow where He leads.
The virtues inculcated through marriage and motherhood — these soldierly virtues — take a lifetime to develop; not coincidentally, that's how long our enlistment lasts. There will always be battles, but as we try to conform to God's will, Sacramental and actual grace will enable us to confront them with confidence. Let us strive to live valiantly until we complete our service on earth, and finally rest in the Lord.
This article originally appeared in Family Foundations, the magazine of The Couple to Couple League, www.ccli.org.
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