Choosing Life: A Birth-Mother’s Story

When a woman is facing an unplanned pregnancy, her options may seem few. Afraid, sometimes alone, and often confused, she faces significant challenges: If she tells her parents, will they throw her out of the house? Will her boyfriend leave her? Will she have to drop out of school? Will her community reject her? Will they judge and ridicule her? These questions are what run through a woman's mind when facing this situation. I know because it happened to me 13 years ago.

At the beginning of the second semester of my freshman year, I discovered I was pregnant. I was devastated. I went to the student counseling center to try to make sense of my situation, and scheduled an appointment with a therapist.

After listening to the circumstances leading up to and surrounding my pregnancy, my counselor recommended abortion as the solution to my problem. I remember her rationale being very sound, and although it was ultimately unconvincing, she made a pretty compelling pitch. She pointed out the many disadvantages to continuing my pregnancy, such as the effect it would have on my family and my academic career.

I left the appointment feeling frustrated. I wanted to explore all my options, and, in my opinion, my counselor gave advice far too prematurely.

At that point I felt I had no recourse. I didn't know where else on campus to go. I had extreme morning sickness and began missing classes. I fell behind in my studies and the stress of my situation, both physically and emotionally, bore heavily upon me. I shared a 400-square-foot dorm room with two women who, like most freshmen students, stayed up late and frequently had guests in the room. The situation was untenable, and the lack of privacy took its toll. I was unable to get the rest pregnant women need, especially those with difficult pregnancies such as mine.

Having decided to carry my pregnancy to term, I felt the only choice I had was to drop out of school and move back home. I was unable to get a full refund for the semester, and lost $10,000 in the process. I left my friends, my school and my academic career because I didn't have the support necessary to continue my studies. It was a tremendous price to pay for making the choice I made. It is a price I don't ever want another woman to pay simply because she chooses to continue her unexpected pregnancy.

According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, Planned Parenthood's research arm, 10% of all college-age women become pregnant each year. One of every 5 abortions is performed on a college woman. And over 70 percent of college-aged women surveyed who have had an abortion cited their fear that having a child would interfere with their education or career.

So what can be done to create an environment in which women feel as if there are legitimate choices when facing an unplanned pregnancy?

Feminists for Life's College Outreach Program has challenged universities across the country to provide the resources necessary for women on their campuses who choose to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term. We call upon them to (1) provide assistance in locating and utilizing childcare; (2) provide maternity coverage in student health-care plans; (3) increase the availability of family housing on college campuses; (4) create flexible academic scheduling, such as telecommuting programs; and (5) increase financial aid, especially for women living independently from their parents.

When I went to speak with my college counselor, I was not referred to a pregnancy resource organization such as Birthright. I didn't have access to a resource center that provides information on the medical, legal and housing issues that I was facing. Get an abortion, I was told. What more information could you want?

If we as a nation don't try to lessen their burden, then more young women will feel as if they are left with no choice but either to terminate their pregnancy or drop out of school. This is a moral and social failure we can no longer ignore.

My daughter is about to turn 13. I felt she would have a better chance in life if I placed her for adoption. Choosing to place my daughter for adoption was the most difficult decision I will ever make, but it was the right one. She is a happy and healthy little girl who loves school, her family and, for better or worse, all things French. Her dog is named Paris, and her mother recently redesigned her bedroom in Parisian pink with a giant mural of the Eiffel Tower. She is a loved little girl, and I derive great joy knowing that she lives such a full and rich life. We talk frequently, and I dream of one day taking a trip to Paris together, hopefully sometime during the spring.

The path I took was difficult. But I shudder to think of life without her.

When I made the decision I made 13 years ago, people asked, "Why ruin your life?" Why squander all the privileges and advantages you have just because of one mistake?' Well, let me tell you, the greatest privilege I've ever had in my life has nothing to do with my education, world travel or professional experiences. 

The greatest privilege I have ever known is giving life to a beautiful, compassionate and curious little girl who would never have been in this world had I followed everyone's advice.