Catholic Exchange

Abortion or a Son

Written by

Troy Brown

in

It began almost 4 years ago.  My wife and I seemed to have finally started having good times within our marriage, in both finances and in our careers.  We were just enjoying life and working very hard to move our careers forward.  The last thing we expected was what the doctor had to tell my wife.  She was pregnant!

My wife, Roxanne, was distraught to say the least.  We already had two boys, both were teens and one was just about to graduate from high school.  For days all she could do was cry.  On the other hand I was ecstatic.  As time went by, though, she became more used to the idea of having another child.  Finally, we were both looking forward to having another baby in the house, to the point that I couldn't wait for him to be born.

Then things began to turn.  Roxanne's doctor had her do blood work, and when the results came back she had high numbers for Down's Syndrome.  The doctor said with these numbers being so high, it was almost a guarantee and suggested we think about "terminating the pregnancy."  Nice way of saying "kill the baby" through abortion.  It cut right down to the heart of both of us.  We didn't even know what to say to each other.  We were just so hurt, in deep pain, disbelief, and not knowing what to do.

Many good people tried to help us through this time.  For instance, a very special person who runs the CCD program in our parish, Barbara Delafosse, offered to set up a meeting with a doctor in town and his wife who had a Down's Syndrome baby.  But when you are in this situation it's as if no one can help.  Still, as it says in the book of Psalms, "The Lord heard our cry."  And He came and He saw us through.  Roxanne finally told God, "This is my son, however he is born, I will love him with all I have.  However he is born, that is between Caleb (that is what we chose to call him) and God."

I had an extremely hard time.  To my shame I even turned against God.  But it was as if He would not let me go.  Finally the thought came to me.  "I always lived my life to love children.  I always prided myself on being what God wanted me to be: a man of love.  Just because life is getting hard, was I going to change?  My answer: 'NO WAY!'"  I know the Holy Spirit was moving through me to give me the strength I needed. 

Together, with the Lord's help, we chose to have a son.  Because we already loved him so much it was as if he was already with us.  And he was.  There is nothing "wrong" with a child born with Down's Syndrome because every baby is precious and gift from God.  But to prove those test results can be wrong, Caleb is now 3 years old without a single sign of the syndrome. In fact, he is incredibly smart.  What a gift we have!  We thought we had good times with our careers and finances before, but we were wrong.  There is nothing greater than being a Mommy and Daddy.

When asked about the whole thing by another woman, Roxanne put it best: "Don't worry about the test and the numbers, you just have to have enough faith in God."

And I would simply like to say: "No matter what life brings you, don't be afraid to love.  You never know when something that should be bad ends up being the greatest miracle in your life."

Comments

  1. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    A beautiful story.

    I was a not surprised by the reaction of a possible Down’s Syndrome baby. About 95% of Down’s babies are aborted in this country.

    Then I was a bit surprised by the reaction when I read the author had been a “CCD teacher” for nearly ten years. There certainly is a difference between teaching the faith and struggling to live it out.

    Thank God Mr. Brown is now telling us his story. Since his son is apparently not a down’s Syndrome child, I hope he continues to remember and witness the thoughts and reactions that he and his wife went through and share it with those he teaches.

    God is good.

    PS Does the Church still use the term “CCD” any more?

  2. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    With my last baby, I had a very similar experience.

    “Roxanne’s doctor had her do blood work, and when the results came back she had high numbers for Down’s Syndrome. The doctor said with these numbers being so high, it was almost a guarantee” -This is essentially the same thing that my doctor said to me, but mine did not recommend abortion. He sent me for genetic counseling and a Level II ultrasound and possible amniocentesis for further evaluation. Fortunately, the ultrasound showed no abnormalities and I now have a beautiful 6 year old girl.

    The test that gave these “high numbers” was the AFP. The only reason we agreed to the test was that the doctor/nurse said that if there were any concerns, we could be prepared to deliver at a hospital that was prepared to deliver high-risk babies. After going through this ordeal, we learned that this test has a very high number of false readings.

    Many thanks to Troy Brown for sharing his story – and I hope that all who read this will encourage their friends and families to prayerfully consider and research their medical situations.

  3. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    As a practicing physician, I can tell you that the AFP test, as a sole screen for Down’s Syndrome is a very poor one. A negative result pretty much rules out Down’s, but a positive result has a fairly low reliability for predicting the presence of Down’s — which is why a positive test has to be followed up by more invasive (and more dangerous) tests, such as amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling.

    We refer in medicine to the predictive value (positive or negative) of a test. The math is a little complicated, but in simple terms, the more uncommon a condition is in a given group of patients, the more likely it is that a positive test will be a false positive.

    For a young pregnant woman, the predictive value of a positive AFP is only about 2% — so 98% of these women with a positive AFP have perfectly normal babies! In spite of this, AFP testing has become ‘standard of care’ for pregnant women of all age and risk groups.

    The article Prenatal Screening and Diagnosis for Down Syndrome Prevention from the Canadian Task Force on Preventive Health Care (hardly a prolife organization!) details some of the problems with the tests being offered, including the low predictive value of the AFP, and the risk of miscarriages caused by amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling.

    The article also makes it clear that the testing is not about providing better care for newborns with Down’s. It is about “providing reproductive choice” (i.e. abortion) to parents whose baby might have Down’s.

    Paul

  4. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    As the mother of Hannah Joy, a beautiful and loving little girl who happens to have Down Syndrome, I so identify with this story! Troy has nothing on me in his struggle to accept a child later in life and with mental challenges to boot. I was so disappointed with myself in how I handled the whole situation of Hannah’s birth. Although far from a perfect Catholic Christian, I never expected my feelings of rejection for my baby to be so strong and so complete! After all, my husband and I did not even have the AFP test because we never would have aborted her had we known of the Down Syndrome, and finding out for sure would have meant having tests that risked causing a miscarriage. But I was not ready for the reality of all that Down Syndrome can bring. Not only did she have Trisomy 21, she also had a severe cardiac defect requiring open heart surgery by 4 months of age and a low platelet count that would eventually lead to AML, a form of leukemia, by 6 months. My husband was immediately and totally in love with Hannah at birth, regardless of the difficulties. My older daughters, ages 4, 14, and 16, seemed to even love her more because she was so helpless and in need. What was wrong with me? All I could see was how all our lives would be turned upside-down, how I could never be the Super-Mom Hannah would need. Choosing Joy as her middle name seemed almost like a joke to me at the time we named her. Yet slowly, day by day (only with the help of faithful prayer warriors literally from all over the country, I am convinced!), I grew to adore this little package of challenges. By the time of Hannah’s battle with cancer, I was yelling at God for a new reason, not for giving us Hannah in the first place, but for letting leukemia steal her away. Again, faithful friends and family came to assist us, with prayers and casseroles and in so many other ways. The doctors and nurses at Hershey Medical Center were kind and gentle with Hannah and with us, as they helped our special angel fight a terrible, ugly disease. Hannah Joy has beaten her cancer for over a year and half now, and her heart surgery has largely repaired the malformed heart she was born with. And God has been there for our family, to talk with and even to yell at, through it all. In His great Wisdom, He has truly blessed our whole family by giving us Hannah Joy. And yes, she really is our joy!!! Our family has been able to see the reality of the beauty and sacredness of ALL human life, even the not-so-perfect! And when I contemplate it through the eyes of Jesus’s Divine Mercy, that even includes a not-so-super Mom like me! Do I still wrestle with accepting the struggles Hannah, and our whole family face? Yes, I do. Do I still yell at God? A whole lot less that I used to. But now I can truly wait “in joyful hope” for the coming of our Lord and Saviour, when Hannah (and all of us) will be made perfect and worship Him in peace and understanding for all eternity.

  5. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Jan, you are my hero!

    I will probably be sharing your story (no names, of course)

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