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Feedback

Written by

Karen Rinehart

in

After the nasty-gram I received this morning, I wanted to name this column, "Feedback From Fools." But when I stopped crying, blew my nose and told the dogs it was safe to come out from under the coffee table, I realized in all the years I've been writing this column, the feedback from actual, certified fools has been quite minimal. I've always maintained people such as these, who obviously have enough spare time and energy to read a newspaper, send an email or hand write a letter full of insults, could be using their time and energy for far more productive and worthwhile endeavors. Like feeding the hungry or perfecting the fine art of scraping tartar off my dog's teeth.

I've been called a bad mom, whiner, Jerry Falwell Bedfellow and a few slanderous zings only my lawyer keeps on file. Letters run the gamut of delusional, distasteful, ignorant, judgmental and hateful. Even though these make up about 0.000000009 % of the thousands of letters I've received, they still affect me. You see, following the Official Code of Columnist Ethics (it's real) instated by the National Society of Newspaper Columnists (also real), I'm obligated to answer every letter readers write (to me).

It's easier to respond to the readers who "get it" (I'm a fallible humor writer/wife/mom) than those who don't (I'm not a reporter, politician or felon). Typically a privilege, answering a letter can sometimes be embarrassing when it's gotten buried in the deep dark caverns of my inbox and I have to begin with, "I'm SO sorry for taking 18 months to respond to your kind letter…."

Here's a guy who "got it:"

"Dear Karen,
After 25 years of experience, I got a laugh out of your 'No Boys Allowed/Girls Only Condo' article. I'm enjoying a boys-only weekend at your local speedway; it's been great! No complaints from anyone that the toilet seat was left up or the bed never got made. There are a few questions I haven't heard all weekend; like,

'Hey guys, do these pants make my butt look bigger?'

'Who put the toilet paper roll on backwards?'

'Which shoes look better, this one or this one?'

You might have a problem with the all girls' sorority spot. Like, who would take out the trash? I'd ask who was capable of opening another bottle of wine, but I think you already figured that one out….

Guess its time for us guys to get back to our roots and talk about some important stuff, like if we can recall which suit we wore to last year's office party and what a fashion faux pas it'd be to wear the same thing twice. Thanks for the laughs. Boys Rule!"

Here's a guy who didn't "get it:" "Please buy the condo and you can quit bitching about your life as mommies."

How do I respond to him? Write me with your ideas and I promise to get back to you in less than 18 months!

Comments

  1. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Karen,

         I'm sorry that you have to put up with that kind of nasty letter.  I can see where it would be very upsetting, even if it is the exception to the rule.

         I really enjoy your columns.  I struggle with infertility and miscarriage, and I steer away from parents who are unappreciative of their children.  Your columns are nothing of the sort.  Anyone with a brain can see that when you "complain" about motherhood, it's not a genuine complaint:  it's a satirical way of celebrating parenthood.  Without humor, the demands of parenthood could easily outweigh the joys.

  2. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    H"i Karen,

    I don't know the article you reference, but I'm sure it was a good one as I enjoy your writing. 

    If you are obligated to respond to those who write mean things, then you would fulfill that obligation by stating "Thanks for reading my column.  I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it!", and leave it at that; he doesn't need one sentence more.  Remember, you cannot please everyone all the time.  I think the anonymity that the internet provides boosts the courage of angry people to actually lash out.  Pray for those who are mean to you, and move on.  Keep writing…it is enjoyable stuff for mommies like me!

  3. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    I didn't read the column he referenced either, however I think he was actually attempting (not entirely successfully) to be amusing.  I think he was saying "tongue in cheek" that there are things that are different when men spend time together, just like the Kitchen Madonna talks about the Red Tent for women.  I see women all the time complaining about dirty socks on the floor, etc.  Even toilet seats up get complaints.  In a guy's only world the toilet seats are up and often they complain about "high maintenance babes."  In the Red Tent we complain about dirty socks, Peter Pan syndrome, and being unpaid maids.  In the world we reside in together we have to try to be considerate of the other person and recognize that sometimes the complaints have a basis in fact, while some of the time we simply have to stop watching out for number one and start watching out for each other.  However, satire often invites satire, particularly when the person who feels like the butt of the satire responds in what they deem to be in kind, rather than really kind.

     BTW at our house the toilet seats are always down at my dd's bf's house growing up the toilet seats were always up.  When he comes to our house he leaves the toilet seat down.  When she visits at his apartment she has to live with it being up (except when she uses it).  Compromise is a wonderful part of any relationship.

  4. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    I wrote a nice encouraging post, but then the computer ate it

  5. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Deirdrew, I sometimes have trouble posting on this site, too, particularly when I'm posting from my computer at work.  I find that if I keep trying, eventually my posts go through.

  6. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    I believe there's already born a plumbing visionary who will flush this toilet seat issue once and for good. He's engineering a separate station for the boys, who by the way never liked using the toilet. It will possibly be in the shape of a tree trunk in the corner of the bathroom. It will have a waterfall appearence, continually or periodically washing and refreshing the environment. Women will flip the switch of the recirculating pump just to have the soothing sound of trickling water fill the atmosphere. Pets will find it so convenient. A must for every garage. 

  7. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    We solved this problem by letting the boys have their own bathroom…which the girls wouldn't think of primping  or…..in.

    My husband tiled the walls halfway up!

    We give the guys a bottle of Lysol when the stench reaches common living space.

    Works great!  As for my husband. Seat down…except sometimes at

    3 AM.  (I've learned not to take anything for granted in the "wee" hours of the morning….once a little boy, always a little boy!)

  8. Guest Avatar
    Guest

    Karen,

    As for the "nasty gram" I think he was being satirical, too.  What you dish out with a spoon, receive back with a shovel.

    Respond by telling the guy, "Thanks for the laugh!  I'd stay for more guffaws, but you know us moms, we're only happy when we're sad!"

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