My Real Name

I am Laura Rohling. My story is Chapter 2 in the book Motherhood Interrupted: Stories of Healing and Hope after Abortion (Xlibris, 2008) by Jane Brennan. After being “Catholic,” no other description following my name besides “wife” and “mother,” more expresses my vocation.

Chapter 2 defines a time in my life that was very dark, but also when I came home to God and my Catholic faith — and my life has never been the same.

My story has my name on it. This is noteworthy because I grew up a Boston Irish Catholic. Although my siblings and I were raised Catholic, our faith was lukewarm at best. We did not discuss anything too personal, and really didn’t discuss many matters beyond politics or sports. One certainly did not bring scandal or shame to the family name and so I did not initially even consider using my real name for the book. Jane had created a pseudonym for me that sounded like some rock star or actress and I liked hiding behind it. As we ran through edits and Jane clarified points in my story, I soon realized I had to use my real name. There really wasn’t any choice, and I’ll explain why.

Twelve years ago after living a fairly reckless life full of bad choices, and coming to the full realization of what I had actually done by having an abortion, I fully comprehended the magnitude of my sin. I could not conceive that God’s mercy or forgiveness was available to me. I couldn’t imagine anything but Hell, and having nothing much to keep me here on earth, I decided to rush things along. On a certain Friday evening, in my utter hopelessness, I washed down 32 prescription sleeping pills with 2 bottles of wine. I curled up on the floor and prayed to a picture of Our Blessed Mother, begging her to ask her Son for my forgiveness, not daring to speak to Him myself — and I waited to die.

I woke up 2 days later, groggy and disoriented, but alive. I was actually disappointed at first that I didn’t die, but quickly realized I had experienced a real miracle. I began to accept the idea that God had more for me to do. His plans for me were not complete, and maybe He did actually have mercy and forgiveness even for a sinner like me. Knowing God had spared me, I sought His forgiveness and mercy, and attended a Project Rachel program and Rachel’s Vineyard retreat for post abortion healing and reconciliation.

After Project Rachel I experienced a very strong reversion to the faith. I was consumed with all things Catholic and it became, and still is, the keystone to everything I am.

I began to realize God’s plan as it unfurled before me. During a Young Adult gathering at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Denver, where I was living, I met a wonderful man. Hank demonstrated a Christ-like love and acceptance of me, even with all of my terrible transgressions; and in fact, the story of my abortion, my healing and my reversion actually brought us closer, and we married in 2001. We have realized God’s blessing with 3 children to love here on earth, and Hank spiritually adopted my child with God. None of this would have materialized had I been successful that fateful Friday night.

I became very active in politics, and was convinced that was the way to change the culture of death and end abortion. I backed every pro-life candidate, worked phone banks, walked districts, held fundraisers, attended rallies and got into lively discussions with anyone on the “other side” about how wrong they were.

Our life together was growing in God’s love, and I had decided to attend Catholic Biblical School. It was there that I would be grouped with one Jane Brennan. As we both heralded from the east coast (Jane is from New Jersey) we immediately connected. I guess it was what some would define as our “brazen directness.” Soon after the year started we discovered our tragic similarity in being post-abortive. It is hard to put into words, but I find many post-abortive women can find each other in a crowd — a sort of radar.

Jane forwarded me her story, and her vision of her apostolate. At that time, it went right over my head — I was not ready to wrap my arms around the concept of being a whistle-blower against the pro-abortion side. I was still convinced politics was the way to change our world. That was 4 years ago. We bumped into each other from time to time over the next two years, each of us putting Biblical School on hold or changing class locations.

It was after Hank and I moved our family to Our Lady of Loreto in Foxfield, CO, the parish Jane attended, that Jane and I would truly reconnect. Jane mentioned wanting to start a prayer group for the unborn and for our youth, and she told me she believed that to change this culture of death we must start with concerted and focused prayer. And I, after fighting the pro-life battle politically for a few years, wholeheartedly agreed. I had come to the conclusion that our politicians can only do so much against the powerful pro-abortion machine — it has a lobby that is ominous and rhetoric that is seducing to those who are not intimately familiar with the facts. I believe there must be a groundswell of regular citizens whose hearts have been changed to bolster our politicians’ efforts. I will always vote pro-life, and support efforts for pro-life amendments; however I believe God’s will for me is to focus most of my efforts on the business of changing hearts.

During one of prayer group meetings, Jane proposed that I submit my story for her book. Her vision of her apostolate was by this time well-clarified and I was finally ready, honored that she would include me. As difficult as it is for this east coast girl to admit, Jersey trumps Boston in persistence — and I am so grateful for that.

I now realize that 12 years ago I really did die. I died to myself. Christ lives in me now, and I must follow where He leads. If that means taking risks and putting myself out there with some pretty ugly facts about my life, I must. If not, I would be hiding His glory, His miracle.

Post abortive women have a tragic qualification in this battle against the culture of death. We are able to speak the truth without rhetoric or agenda. We simply state the facts of what happened to us due to our choice of abortion. In our stories are the pain, anguish, destruction and complete shame that is undeniable, and perhaps with the grace of God people will stop long enough, put down their scripted words and sound bites, and listen. Maybe then, people will see that abortion is not good for women. This is the very heart of Jane’s Ministry. I invite you to visit her website at www.motherhoodinterrupted.com and go to her article “Bridging the Divide”. That piece addresses this concept very well.

I believe in Jane’s apostolate. Through her efforts I envision an army of women who have been damaged by abortion finding the strength to heal and to go on to speak out against abortion and tell the truth of how abortion harms women. I believe so strongly in this mission that I put my name on it.